Domestic Violence Recovery
Synonyms: Intimate Partner Violence or Narcissistic Abuse or Gaslighting
In the advocate world for relationships, abuse is defined as any treatment by the other that you do not want. By this definition, abuse can take many forms.
Is/was your partner isolating you from friends or family, emotionally controlling you, financially controlling you, spritually controlling you, or any other form of coercive control that you did not want?
Let’s imagine a scenario that might happen in your home:
Another average night, you and your partner are chatting in the kitchen as dinner is being made. Then, all of a sudden, your partner jumps up and says something that cuts you deeply, as a reaction to something.
But you’re immediately plunged back into that familiar cycle of hurt and betrayal as you stand there thinking, “What did I just do?” and microprocessing each move you have just made. You are frozen, afraid to continue and afraid to ask what they are upset about.
You know your roles well.
You both go through the same old scripts – your partner blames and attacks you, verbally or physically, or both, as you continue to try to be what they want, to be “good enough” to make them happy.
But all of these efforts feel futile. There’s never any resolution or closure.
It’s just the same conversation on repeat, and you’re unsure how much longer you can keep doing this.
It is possible your friends have asked, “Why don’t you just leave?” to which there is no easy answer. And you are not alone.
This is the traditional view of domestic violence that we have used for years. Recently Michael P. Johnson has taken a deeper look at domestic violence and redefined it into three subcategories: 1) Intimate Partner Terrorism (what we have traditionally called Domestic Violence), 2) Violent Resistance, and 3) Situational Couple Violence.
No matter which category you fit into, I am here for you:
- If your partner was a terrorist, I can help you tear up the old script of your life and help you create a new you: with your own boundaries, values, beliefs and skills.
- If you are resisting abuse in a violent manner, I can help you tear up the old script and learn healthier skills: red flags in relationships, nonviolent communication, and what you believe in the middle of all the chaos.
- If you and your partner have patterns and cycles you have hung onto or you, as a couple, do not know a different way to interact in times of conflict, I can help you tear up that old script and create a new relationship dynamic: one based on respect and support that leads to hope and harmony.
The possible therapeutic approaches are many.
It truly depends on which of the above categories you, and possibly your partner, fit in.
Therapy for 1 and 2 would be Individual work. We would use Couples Therapy for number 3.